9/23 2:05pm It is me, after all

I should be on my way back to Atlanta right now. I missed my flight in Paris. I’ve been at the airport for 4 hours, but I missed my flight. I’ll take the credit for waiting too long to get to the gate. I was blogging, then got some lunch and realized the kids were getting ready to get on the bus so I called home. I gathered up my things and as I passed customer service on my way to the gate I noticed my name on the monitor informing me I needed to see a customer service agent. So I waited in line for the next available agent--didn’t take too long. I gave him my passport and he tried to figure out why my name was up there. I joked it was because he was going to bump me up to first class. Laughs, no one else in line behind me, conversation about window or aisle seats leads to discussion of destiny and free will, leads to Michael Jackson and crazy trips to Vegas--oh shit! Your flight just closed boarding! Why this guy didn’t have that flashing on his screen the whole time, I don’t know. We ran to the gate and he begged and pleaded (even though it was all in French I could tell this is what he was doing) but because of customs and the plane not boarding where it normally would, blah blah…..

My agent friend booked me on the 4:00 with 2 empty seats next to me (for now). Going back to destiny, maybe for some reason I was not supposed to be on that flight--maybe I’m supposed to be on this one. It’s only a couple hours more. But for a week all my decisions and actions have affected no one but me. I don’t want to hear the disappointment in Harry’s voice. He has already given so much so I could go on this trip. And he doesn’t understand the flighty part of me that allows this kind of shit to happen. I don’t understand it--but it’s part of my make up so I accept it. It’s part of the yin yang balance I think. And the MJ-loving agent guy does feel bad. He came to check on me. I scared him with my tears I think.

I’m not going to get to see my kids tonight. That’s killing me. I miss them and was so looking forward to seeing them in that car tonight. Harry has to explain to them that they’ll have to wait until tomorrow morning to see me. My actions and choices affect a lot of people again.